Home
by lyviel
Summary: It's been a long time since Elden has been to Ostwick. It may have been his home, but he has very few fond memories of the place. He never really wanted to go back there, but it looks like he'll have to one last time. At least Dorian will be at his side. He'll need the support when he is forced to face his family.
1. Chapter 1

Dorian never thought he would ever look forward to visiting Kirkwall of all places. This city was a shithole, after all, but it also happened to be where Elden Trevelyan lived and, honestly, Dorian would have traveled to the Deep Roads again if it meant seeing him. Maker, when had he gotten so sentimental? He leaned against the doorframe, holding a bottle of wine and two glasses, and just took a moment to admire Elden.

The former Inquisitor was reclining on the bed sorting through a few letters and Dorian couldn't help but reflect on how much he had missed this. He knew he was doing worthwhile work in Tevinter, but all the while his heart was here, always with Elden. Everything he did was for Elden, after all, and he looked forward to the days when these visits would be unnecessary, when they could be together every day.

"That's enough of that, I think," Dorian said when he finally pushed off the doorframe and headed to the desk. "I leave you alone for but a moment and you've already gone back to working. What are we going to do with you? Don't actually answer that, I have quite a few ideas already."

"I'm sure you do," Elden said, glancing up with a small smile.

He'd set his letters aside and was watching Dorian now, and while there was fondness there, he could see sadness in his expression as well. That wouldn't do at all. Dorian quickly poured them each some wine and set the bottle on the desk before moving to the bed and straddling Elden's lap, handing him one of the glasses.

"Something on your mind, amatus _?_ " Dorian asked, leaning down to kiss him, slow and deep, determined to cheer him up if necessary.

"Sorry, I was just thinking," Elden said between kisses. When they drew apart, Elden leaned forward and all but melted against him, wrapping his left arm around his waist while he pressed his cheek against Dorian's chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dorian asked as he sipped his wine, running his free hand soothingly through Elden's hair.

"I got a letter," Elden began, placing kisses to Dorian's chest. "From the Chantry in Ostwick."

"Oh?" Dorian said. He knew Elden had served there for a large part of his life, but he rarely talked about it and Dorian wasn't exactly sure on what terms he left. Considering the Chantry organization at large had turned their backs on the Inquisition, it wouldn't be all that surprising if he felt a bit abandoned by it all. He caressed Elden's jaw and tipped his head back so he could see his face, kiss his lips.

"I think I need to go back," Elden said, and Dorian drew away to study him.

"Is that what you want?" he asked.

"Not really," Elden said with a weak laugh. "I never really want to go back to Ostwick, but the Reverend Mother, she was a good woman. She died at the Conclave."

"Oh." Somehow it never occurred to Dorian to ask. Of course he must have lost people there. Still, Elden had never brought it up and Dorian hadn't wanted to push. If he was going to get any information out of him, though, perhaps it was all right to push a little. "Were the two of you close?"

"I suppose so," Elden said, not quite looking at Dorian. He set his wine on the bedside table so he could bring his hand up to caress Dorian's cheek, his left arm still holding him close. This was obviously hard for him, so Dorian waited patiently to see if he would continue. He captured Elden's hand and brought it to his lips. "She was strict and serious, but she cared which is more than I can say about my own mother. My time there wasn't easy, but she helped me make a place for myself, made me feel like I wasn't completely useless."

"You aren't useless," Dorian said, cutting him off, and Elden looked up at him, smiling so lovingly.

"What would I do without you?" he asked and Dorian wanted to laugh. He was the one who should be saying that. He felt like he'd waited his entire life to meet Elden, to be shown that he didn't have to put up with scraps; that he was worth so much more. He'd spend the rest of his life showing Elden that he deserved the same if need be.

"Did the Chantry ask you to return?" Dorian prompted as he set his glass down beside Elden's.

"They're holding a ceremony and asked me to attend."

"A bit late, isn't it?"

"Things have been a bit chaotic for the Chantry, even in Ostwick," Elden said. "They haven't even chosen a new Mother. They'll probably do it after."

And do you want to go?" Dorian prompted, taking both of Elden's hands in his.

"Yes," Elden said after a moment's hesitation. "Yes, I think I do."

"It's settled then," Dorian replied, kissing him again and urging Elden to lay back down. "I'll come with you."

"You don't have to do that," Elden protested weakly.

"It's important to you and you shouldn't have to go alone," Dorian said as he began kissing Elden's neck. "Unless you don't want me to?"

"I want you," Elden said with a quiet gasp as Dorian unbuttoned his shirt enough to kiss at his neck and shoulder..

He wasn't entirely sure if that was in direct response to Dorian's question, but perhaps that could wait for the morning. Right now he'd rather like to focus on making Elden forget about loss and sadness for at least a little while longer.


	2. Chapter 2

Dorian felt the press of lips against his temple as the arm around his waist tightened ever so slightly and he couldn't help but smile. Dorian had missed waking up this way so much that, for once, he forgot to hate mornings. He rolled over, taking Elden by surprising and pushing him onto his back so he could lay on top of him.

"Good morning to you too," Elden said with a breathless laugh.

"Five more minutes," Dorian murmured, making himself comfortable.

"Whatever you want," Elden said much too fondly as his hand brushed through his hair and Dorian sighed contentedly at the touch.

He could bask in this forever. He didn't even need to move, just lying here, feeling Elden's warmth against him, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, his eyes watching him looking so soft and fond; it was all so perfect. Still, Dorian supposed he'd put things off long enough and they really should finish their discussion from last night.

"So what's the plan then?" he asked, stifling a yawn.

"I hadn't really thought passed breakfast," Elden said with a quiet chuckle. "Was there anything in particular you wanted to do? Besides stay in bed all day I mean."

"Tempting, but I meant for Ostwick," Dorian said. He was a bit reluctant to bring it up again, enjoying seeing that beautiful smile, but he knew Elden would stew over it regardless so they might as well work out the finer details now and spare the poor man that at the very least.

"Ah, right," Elden said but at least he looked more thoughtful than upset as he considered their options. "It's in a week, so I'm afraid we'll have to go by boat if we want to make it in time."

Dorian groaned, burying his face in Elden's neck. "Any chance you could just knock me unconscious for the duration?"

"Sorry," Elden said with a smile, even teasing a little. "I wish there was another option. Unless you want me to ask them to postpone? "

"No, no, I'll just have to make the sacrifice," Dorian replied with a heavy sigh, before he said more seriously, pulling back so he could see Elden's face. "Are you sure you want me to go with you? How will it look, a Magister of all things parading around in front of all your Chantry friends?"

"I don't care about that," Elden said, cupping Dorian's cheek, his left arm coming up to rest against his shoulder. "You have to know that."

"Yes, well," Dorian said dismissively. He did know, of course he did, but he also wanted to make this trip easier on Elden, not harder. "When I first came south, 'not a Magister' was a handy little mantra of mine to put people at ease. That's a little more difficult now that I actually am one."

"You're a hero just as much as I am," Elden said with more intensity than Dorian thought necessary. "And you're doing amazing things in Tevinter. I couldn't be more proud of you and I'm proud to be with you."

"As much as I enjoy you stroking my ego," Dorian said fondly, placing a kiss to Elden's lips. "It could still earn you some looks. As well as questions. If it would make things easier, I could at least skip the ceremony."

"They can say whatever they like," Elden said and Dorian was happy to see he was smiling, large and genuine. "I have you and I'm happier than I thought possible. I don't want to hide that, not from anyone and especially not for them."

"And I suppose it would be rather nice to rub it in their faces," Dorian said knowingly and Elden laughed. They'd already dealt with rumors and nosy gossip back in the Inquisition. If they could get through it then when Elden had a title and so much to prove, surely now that that was all over it would be a breeze.

Dorian brought his hand up to run through Elden's hair and just studied his face for a long moment. He couldn't help but marvel at how far they'd come and how proud he was of both of them. Still, going back was never an easy thing. He should know after his return to Tevinter. There was a lot of hurt there, from his father, his peers, from the entire country itself. Dorian had always been good at telling them all to fuck off, but still, being confronted with everything he had suffered all at once, things he thought he had come to terms with and remembering the man he had been before all this; it wasn't easy. He wouldn't let Elden go through it alone.

"I know this whole thing, going back to that place, you'll be facing old wounds," Dorian said. "It would be nice to think it will be a lovely trip and you'll actually be heralded as the hero you are, showered with gifts and paraded down the streets like you deserve. Whatever happens, though, just remember you aren't alone. I know how it can be. We'll get through this. I promise."

Elden smiled at him, looking radiant and beautiful. Then, suddenly, he rolled them both over, straddling Dorian's waist, holding his weight up on his elbows as he leaned down to kiss him soundly.

"I love you, you know," Elden said, pressing their noses together, his eyes nearly falling closed, looking so content. It made Dorian's chest ache, so happy he hardly knew what to do with himself.

"I know, amatus," Dorian replied as he pulled Elden in for another kiss, slow and languid and deep. "We have a few days before we need to prepare for the trip, yes? I intend to keep you all to myself if you have no objections."

"None at all," Elden replied, smiling into their kiss.

"Shall we start with that breakfast you promised me?"

"Anything you want," Elden replied. "Although if I'm getting out of this bed, you have to too."

"Of course, I'm not so cruel as to make you wait on me while I lounge about."

"Not that I would mind," Elden pointed out as he regretfully slid off Dorian's lap and climbed out of the bed. "I just can't kiss you while I cook if you stay up here."

"Nonsense, you'd be lost without my help in the kitchen." Dorian said as he sat up, watching as Elden began to dress. "It's all right, you can admit it."

"If admitting it will get you up out of this bed faster," Elden said, glancing over at him after he pulled his shirt on.

"Yes, yes, no need to rush me," Dorian said. He stretched luxuriously against the soft sheets before slipping out of the bed into the chill morning air, missing the blankets already. Elden's warm embrace as he wrapped his arms around him was a worthwhile trade however.

"Thank you," Elden said as he kissed his forehead. "For everything."

"Come now," Dorian said, patting his cheek with a mischievous smile. "I love you too, amatus, but no getting sappy on me before I've had my breakfast."


	3. Chapter 3

Dorian was proud to say he was fairly successful in his plans to keep Elden occupied enough to keep him from fretting in the days leading up to their trip to Ostwick. Not that it was particularly difficult; both of them were just as eager to make the most of the time they had together. Still, eventually the time came when they had to prepare and the stress finally set in.

Dorian was already more or less packed since he'd been here on a visit anyway so he reclined against the desk, idly shuffling through Elden's mail for him. Elden himself was hurrying about the bedroom, digging up old suits he hadn't worn since Inquisition days and self consciously second guessing how appropriate they were, occasionally asking Dorian for advice. Eventually, though, he dropped down onto the edge of the bed and began the process of folding and packing and Dorian couldn't help but smile fondly as he took a moment to watch him.

Returning his attention to the letters, he frowned when he came across one with the Trevelyan insignia. It had been a long time since he'd seen that. Elden had had no contact with his family before the Inquisition while serving in the Chantry, but of course once he had a title and a position of authority his parents had finally deigned to reach out to him. Elden had rejected all communication at the time and that had been that.

Dorian had seen how Elden had reacted to their correspondence, however, how upset he had been although he'd tried to hide it. It was clear they were attempting to leech off of his title for their own advancement and Dorian couldn't help but feel angry on Elden's behalf. He could only imagine what they wanted from him this time. Dorian broke the seal and quickly scanned through the letter.

"Apparently your parents know we're headed to Ostwick," Dorian said with disdain after he'd reached the end of the letter and Elden froze at his words.

"What?" He looked positively alarmed and Dorian raised an eyebrow at him. That was certainly not the reaction he had expected. Elden been upset last time of course, but he hadn't seemed afraid.

"They're requesting we stay with them. Well, more like insisting," Dorian summarized as he dropped the letter back onto the desk, deciding he could leave out the the rest. It was all pointless if flowery rambling.

"We're not going to stay with them," Elden said with such finality it gave Dorian pause.

"All right, that's fine," Dorian said carefully as he moved to Elden's side. "You cut them off rather quickly last time. Do you want to do the same here?"

"I don't know," Elden said, looking completely lost as he stared at the floor. "I honestly don't know why they'd contact me now. I have nothing they could want. I don't know what to do."

"Amatus," Dorian said, crouching in front of Elden, one hand rubbing his thigh gently while the other cupped his cheek, urging Elden to look at him. "It's all right. We'll get through this."

Elden placed his hand over Dorian's and sighed. "It's been so long, I thought I'd never have to see them again."

"You don't talk about them much," Dorian said.

"There isn't much to tell. I don't have many good memories of my childhood," Elden said and Dorian felt like his heart was breaking. He took Elden's hand in his and squeezed it gently.

"If you don't wish to discuss-"

"No, I need to. I've kept silent about it too long. You deserve to know. Especially if you have to see them too." Elden took a deep steadying breath before he continued. "It was impossible to please my parents. Well, I'm not really good at much so that didn't exactly help"

"You have to know that's not true," Dorian said, voice gentle.

"They disagreed," Elden said with a sad smile. "The most important things to my parents are their reputation and the family business. If you can't contribute to either, you have no value. They set me to task after task, but I kept failing. I tried. I really did try."

His voice broke and Dorian couldn't hold back any longer. "Amatus," he whispered as he held him, pressing their foreheads together, one hand coming to rest soothingly against the back of Elden's neck, holding him close. Elden's hand gripped into Dorian's shirt tightly, his left arm wrapping around Dorian's. After a moment Elden relaxed and took a deep breath before continuing more steadily.

"Eventually they just- gave up, I guess. They wanted to marry me off. I couldn't. I just- I couldn't. That was the one part of myself I couldn't sacrifice for them. I would have done anything, anything else. I thought they understood that, but I guess it just wasn't enough. I said no. It was the first time I'd really stood up to them. You already know they sent me to the Chantry. That's why. It was cleaner than risking a scandal if they'd officially disowned me" He took a deep breath, trying to hold it all in, as if feeling guilty for being upset and Dorian pulled away enough to kiss his forehead tenderly.

"You're allowed to be angry, you know," he said.

"I'm afraid."

Dorian might have laugh if not for the sadness in his eyes. "You? The Inquisitor? The Herald of Andraste? The saviour of the world?"

Elden shook his head as if brushing off the praise and Dorian frowned at how dismissive he was. "I don't want to be angry."

"And here I thought you were simply incapable of it," Dorian said, teasing gently.

This wasn't the first time Elden had said something along those lines as he stifled his anger. The thought that he might secretly have a temper was laughable at best, although now that he thought on it, Dorian could recall times Elden had flinched away from another's anger, but it wasn't often enough to draw any connections. He'd always remained calm in the face of Dorian's outbursts after all. But then, if Elden didn't wish to discuss it, Dorian decided it was best not to push. Not right now. Elden had done more than enough for one night.

"Apparently I'm just revealing all my terrible secrets aren't I?" Elden said with a laugh that sounded too desperate and he looking away again, rubbing at his face and trying to pull back.

Dorian didn't like that at all. He pulled Elden close, leaning them both back until they were lying on the bed together side by side, arms wrapped around each other. "You're fine," Dorian said, hand running soothingly through his hair. "More than fine, I'd say. Besides, if this is your idea of a dark and sordid past, I may have some surprises for you." Elden chuckled weakly which Dorian considered a success. He kissed Elden briefly before continuing more seriously. "You're no longer under their collective thumbs. We could just not visit them, you know."

"No, they'd probably hunt us down and surprise us if we tried to avoid them. They can be persistent if they feel there's something to be gained. I'd rather know when it was coming."

"Fine, then. We'll go there to rub your victory in their faces and then you'll never have to see them again." Dorian couldn't help but wonder if it would be poor form to set the Trevelyan family home on fire on their way out. It was going to be difficult to behave himself, knowing what Elden had been through.

"I just- I can guess how they'll react to me, but I'm afraid of how they might treat you."

"Really, it's kind of you to worry, but I'll be fine," Dorian said with an amused smile. It was sweet of him to worry, but completely unwarranted. "I'm from Tevinter, remember? I'm rather adept at playing the unwanted outcast. I doubt they could achieve a fraction of the creativity my homeland employs. Although I would be impressed if they could."

"You shouldn't have to," Elden said and he looked so upset. Perhaps Dorian shouldn't have brought up his experiences at home if it was only going to worry him more. "And I wouldn't be able to stand it."

"That's sweet, but it will be fine, I promise. We can deal with all of that when it happens. If it happens. It's entirely possible they could mind their manners around us if you're right and they're looking to gain something from you."

"I guess. I'm sorry. I don't want to be there alone but I also don't want you to have to be around them," Elden said, burying his face in Dorian's neck.

"You don't have a choice," Dorian said, kissing the top of his head. "I won't be leaving you alone for a second."

"Thank you," Elden said. "And I'm sorry."

"That's enough of that," Dorian brushed his fingers across Elden's cheek. "You are brave and strong and they can't hurt you any longer. I'll make sure of that."

"That sounds vaguely ominous," Elden said, laughing weakly.

"I am a Magister, remember? We are nothing if not ominous." He ran his fingers through Elden's hair, kissing him gently, wishing there was more he could do for him. "Let's take a break from packing, shall we? I believe it's my turn to cook you dinner."

"Could we stay here a little longer?" Elden asked.

"How could I refuse such a sweet request?" Dorian said, kissing him again, holding him close, shielding him the only way he knew how.


	4. Chapter 4

Dorian hated the sea. Just looking at it left him feeling ill and now he somehow had to survive two days out on it. He boarded the ship with minimal grumbling for Elden's sake and even managed to stay above deck for most of the day, talking to other passengers and just enjoying themselves. This whole thing made Dorian realize they hadn't traveled with one another in so long and he was surprised how much he had missed this.

Well, everything but the queasiness of course. After losing his lunch over the side he felt it prudent to retire to their room early. Of course Elden insisted on accompanying him. It was a long miserable night and after spending most of it curled around a bucket the novelty of the trip had worn off and he didn't exactly feel up to moving.

It must have been around noon now and he was still lying face down on the bed, blanket pulled up tightly around himself and he had no intention of getting up anytime soon. He felt like groaning at every sway of the ship and found himself continually checking to make sure the bucket was still on the floor within reach just in case. He couldn't even bring himself to raise his head when he heard the door open. Not that it could have been anyone other than Elden.

"What are you doing back here so soon?" Dorian asked, voice partially muffled in the pillow.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," Elden said unconvincingly.

"You were in to check on me less than an hour ago," Dorian pointed out. While he appreciated everything Elden had done to make him comfortable, there wasn't really anything else to be done except to wait it out. There was no need for Elden to continue hovering, watching Dorian sleep, when he could be doing literally anything else. "You should be above deck, I'm sure there's a lovely view of the wretched waves or something."

"I don't really want to be alone right now," Elden said and the utter exhaustion in his voice made Dorian finally roll over to look at him. He was so worn down, looking defeated and no doubt making himself sick with worry and Dorian wished he could do more to ease his concerns.

"Then at least go join that lovely elderly couple for a game of cards, or something," Dorian said. "You shouldn't have to spend the entire voyage locked away in a room that smells of vomit."

Elden shook his head, looking so dejected, and Dorian sighed. He moved over, making room on the bed so Elden could climb in beside him.

"Very well," Dorian said, wrapping his arms around him as Elden curled tightly against him. "But you are blocking my path to the bucket. Don't blame me when I vomit on you."

Elden made a noncommittal sound and honestly that worried Dorian more than anything. Normally he would at least humor Dorian. He rather wished he wasn't spending the voyage so far incapacitated so he could look after Elden better, instead of the other way around as it was working out to be. At least they would be docking tomorrow and hopefully he would be more useful with solid ground under his feet.

Dorian was in an out of sleep for the rest of the day and into the night, but every time he came to, Elden was still there, still holding him tightly. Dorian did his best to comfort him when he could, kissing his forehead and telling him it would all be fine. Thankfully he only had to scramble over Elden once in the middle of the night to reach the bucket. He pushed the bucket away and stayed there, draped across Elden, wondering how there was even anything left in his stomach.

He felt Elden brush his fingers through his hair, his left forearm rubbing gentle circles on his back, and Dorian just melted into the soothing touch. Draped over Elden's chest like this, he felt warm and wrapped up in his comforting embrace. Eventually he was able to drift off to sleep again.

* * *

Thankfully, once morning came, Dorian felt rested and well enough to risk moving. Perhaps the sea was calmer or something. Their small room was growing stifling and he needed to get some fresh air, even if it meant having to look out across the sea so they headed up to the deck, arm in arm so Elden could steady him. It was also a handy excuse to remain close and maintain some sort of contact. Even when they leaned against the railing, Elden held onto his arm and leaned against him gently. Thankfully not enough to throw him off balance.

"How are you doing?" Elden asked, interrupting the comfortable silence and glancing over at him.

"Fine, fine," Dorian said, waving a hand as if to brush away his concern. "I am determined not to spend the entire trip bedridden, seasickness or no, even if you have to cart me around."

That earned him a chuckle at least. Honestly, he was just glad Elden seemed to be feeling better as well. He seemed lighter, like he had come to some sort of peace with his current situation. Either that or he was just too exhausted to worry any longer. Both were possible for Elden. Either way, they still had time to prepare. Today they could relax, stay at an expensive inn with a soft bed that didn't rock endlessly and perhaps actually enjoy themselves. They could worry about everything else tomorrow.

"I should probably tell you more about my family before we get there," Elden said after a moment as they stared out across the horizon.

"It can wait," Dorian said, giving his hand a squeeze, not wanting to ruin things after how poorly Elden had been feeling the day before.

"It's fine, I'm all right," Elden insisted. He was silent a moment longer, perhaps contemplating where to begin. "My father's side of the family is from Starkhaven. You probably could have guessed that though."

"You have inherited a bit of an accent," Dorian said, chuckling.

"That's about all I got from him I'm afraid. Politics have always been his priority and I could never keep up. He can talk himself out of anything, calm even the angriest of customers. I always admired him for that. My oldest sister, Cicilia; she was good at that sort of thing too. Father spent most of his time training her. He didn't see much point in spending time with the rest of us."

"I see," Dorian said, unable to keep his disapproval out of his voice. "And where is your sister now?"

"I'm afraid I haven't kept in touch with her. She's nine years older than me so we were never really close. I imagine she's traveling, dealing with the various branches of father's company. Since my mother is from Ferelden, we have a lot of contacts there."

"I've been curious about that, actually," Dorian said. "How exactly did your parents meet?"

"Their marriage was an alliance of sorts, actually." Elden said. "My mother's side of the family are in trades as well. They'd barely met before that, but they seem happy enough together. She's- well, she's very Ferelden. She kept dogs and enjoys hunting and is very enthusiastic about the Grand Tourney. My brother Matheus- he's five years older than I am. He was her favorite. When Dez and I showed talent with the sword, mother was pleased, but always wished we was more like him. I think he joined the military, but I don't know."

"I'm guessing the two of you weren't close either?"

"Yeah," Elden said quietly, staring down into the sea as it swirled against the boat. It seemed like there was more to that story, but he didn't seem ready to elaborate, so Dorian held his tongue. After a moment he continued. "Then there's Thalia, she's two years older than me, and Dez of course."

"I know Dez visited recently, but how is Thalia doing?" Dorian asked, hoping to push things in a happier direction. He was just glad Elden still had some family he was close to.

"She's doing well," he said. "She's still helping her fellow mages adjust after the changes Leliana is making."

"Perhaps we should visit her at some point," Dorian said. "For this trip, though, at least it sounds like you'll only have to deal with your parents, but I am starting to wish we'd dragged Dez along with us." He always liked Dez. She was a bit serious, true, but it was obvious she cared for Elden. And he always enjoyed seeing them interact. For twins they were quite different.

Elden laughed at that. "I'm pretty sure there'd be some sort of fight if that happened. She's never gotten along with mother."

"All the more reason to have her around," Dorian said, nudging him gently. "It'll definitely keep things interesting at least."

"That's true."

"So what's the plan beyond parents and the Chantry? Any old haunts you'd care to take me to?"

"I'm afraid Ostwick isn't the most interesting of places," Elden said with a smile. "Especially not after Orlais or any number of cities we've visited."

"No, but you did grow up here," Dorian pointed out. "That makes things different. I seem to recall dragging you all around Minrathos not too long ago, this is your chance for revenge."

"It's a shame the Grand Tourney isn't held this time of year. That would have been fun. I'm sure we can find something to do though."


	5. Chapter 5

Dorian was fairly certain that the soft bed in their room at the inn was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He immediately tossed his bags aside and flopped down onto the bed with a relieved sigh.

"And we've survived," he announced, making himself comfortable. Maker, Dorian hated the ocean and he was so relieved to be on solid ground again. Maybe he could talk Elden into taking the long way home after all this nonsense was over. He'd really rather not get on a boat ever again if he could help it.

"Yeah, it was a little tenuous for a bit there," Elden said, chuckling as he closed the door behind him and set his own bags aside.

"Are you getting sarcastic with me?" Dorian said in mock offense as he sat up to look at him. "I'm so proud. Now come here."

Elden smiled as he approached the bed and leaned over him slightly. "Does this mean you're feeling better?"

"Much," Dorian said, reaching out and giving Elden's collar a tug. He got the message and climbed up onto the bed, straddling Dorian's waist. "Now that the ground is finally staying still like it's supposed to."

"Good," Elden said, leaning down and kissing his nose. "I want to make this all up to you. Are you up to going out, or would you like to stay in?"

"Bath first, I think," Dorian replied. "Then I'll be up for whatever you have in mind."

* * *

It was well past nightfall but the lanterns strung up along the streets illuminated everything in a gentle glow. There was even a warm breeze and Dorian had to admit it was all rather pleasant. If the past few years were any indication they seemed to be continually moving north where it was actually tolerably warm and this was definitely a development he approved of. Although anything was better than the Frostback Mountains.

"So what do you have in store for us?" Dorian asked cheerfully as he admired the atmosphere.

"There's a night market nearby; I thought it might be nice to take a look. Are you sure you're okay to walk around?"

"Of course! Do you really think I'd let a little seasickness rob me of this opportunity?"

"It isn't that interesting," Elden said, blushing slightly.

Dorian nudged his arm. "I was mainly talking about the company." That made Elden blush even more. Adorable.

They followed the lanterns until the street opened up into a courtyard. There were stalls lined up all around with a surprising number of people still milling about despite the late hour. Dorian really should have been examining the trinkets the shops were selling as they began slowly making their way through the market, but he found himself distracted, unable to pull his eyes from Elden. He looked peaceful now, smiling as he gazed around, the stress of the trip finally leaving him for the moment at least and, honestly, it was a beautiful sight. Dorian couldn't help but hope that this would prove to be the tone of the rest of the trip, as unlikely as that was.

Elden was leading the way, pausing every so often to look at the wares being sold, and Dorian was finding his smile contagious. It was nice seeing him enjoying himself. Dorian wondered if he was remembering his past. He wanted to ask, to see at least a small part of Elden's memories, but he kept quiet, just content to watch for now. They were walking close together and it didn't take long for Elden to reach out absently and take Dorian's hand.

"It's strange," Elden said suddenly as they wandered about, aimlessly now. "This place has barely changed. I know it all so well, but I'm a stranger here now. There's no one who would remember me. Not that I'd want anyone to, it's just an odd feeling; knowing the place but not fitting in anywhere."

"I can understand that," Dorian replied. "Although I find it hard to believe that there's no one at all who would recognize you."

"It really shouldn't surprise you to learn I wasn't exactly the most memorable child."

Young Elden was definitely a thought Dorian enjoyed entertaining. If he truly had been largely forgotten by the Ostwick population, then they didn't deserve him. And Dorian was of course slightly jealous. It would have been nice to have seen him back then, perhaps running about the streets with a stick pretending to sword fight with Dez.

"Oh, it's still here," Elden said suddenly, pulling Dorian from his thoughts. He was pointing across the street at a quaint indoor shop and Dorian raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"An ice cream parlor? I thought you weren't particularly fond of sweets?"

"I'm not, but Dez is. I used to come here all the time with her."

"Well, then, if it has sentimental value we definitely have to stop." Dorian tugged on his hand gently, urging him forward. It was just so nice seeing Elden like this and Dorian hoped to prolong the moment. "Come on then."

After ordering, they found an empty table outside under the lanterns and took a seat. Ice cream wasn't exactly Dorian's favorite either; it gave him an awful chill and and he enjoyed sweets about as much as Elden did. Still, he made an exception here. They had coffee as well which would at least offset the chill. And of course Elden was sitting close beside him. It probably wasn't the best idea, his stomach had only just settled, but he risked it anyway.

"To be honest, I find it kind of hard to believe this is happening," Elden said with a quiet laugh as they ate.

"Oh? Which part?"

"Look around," Elden said, gesturing with his spoon. "I was a kid who read too many romance novels and this is probably about as romantic as Ostwick gets. I used to dream about what it would be like to bring someone here."

"You are adorable, amatus," Dorian said teasingly, leaning against him slightly. "Is this why you wanted to come here?"

"Honestly, I'd forgotten until just now."

"Sure, whatever you say. Nonetheless, I am honored to be able to fulfill this particular fantasy of yours."

Elden stared down at his bowl wistfully and when he finally spoke his voice was solemn. "It would have been nice if I'd known back then that I would end up where I am now."

"You have become quite the hero, haven't you?" Dorian said, smiling.

"No, I mean- just, how happy I am. With you," Elden added as he looked back up and into Dorian's eyes, his gaze intense. "The fact that someone as wonderful and beautiful as you would even look at me twice-"

"Don't sell yourself short, amatus," Dorian said as he raised a hand to brush along Elden's cheek and threading back through his hair. Elden leaned into the touch and kissed his palm. Dorian never liked it when he talked like that. It had been some time since he had and Dorian had hoped he'd broken him of the self-deprecating habit.

"I think, even then, even though I didn't want to give up hope, I was afraid I would never have this, that I wouldn't find you. And now here you are and sometimes I can hardly breathe when I look at you."

"You should probably have that looked at," Dorian said, falling back on humor as usual but still unable to stop himself from smiling. Maker, he really was too sweet.

Dorian leaned forward and kissed him, deeply, _needing_ to feel him, to be close, so overwhelmed by his words. Elden's mouth was cold, tasting faintly of blueberries from his ice cream, and Dorian wanted nothing more than to never stop until Elden was warm and content, but this wasn't the time or the place so he pulled away reluctantly. Elden took a deep breath to calm his pulse, looking slightly embarrassed at how overwhelmed it had left him, and Dorian kissed away the lines on his forehead, leaving his hand on Elden's cheek for a moment more before letting it fall away.

"That's good ice cream," Dorian said suddenly, winning a laugh from Elden. "Let me have a bite, then."

"Trade for a sip of your coffee?" Elden asked. He scooped up a spoonful and offered it up for Dorian, who accepted the bite.

"So how is it so far?" Dorian asked as he passed him his cup. "Hopefully not as bad as you expected? We'll have to find other childhood dreams of yours to fulfill while we're here."

"You've already filled all of them," Elden said much too fondly, setting the mug down to find Dorian's hand and weave their fingers together. But then his expression turned more serious again and he looked away. "I can't help but worry about tomorrow though. Just being here- I'm remembering too much, things I wanted to forget. Things I thought I'd moved past, but perhaps not."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dorian asked, disappointed when he failed to catch Elden's eye.

"No, it's nothing, it's just- somehow it feels like a lifetime ago as well as just yesterday. Makes it hard to stay grounded. I don't like who I used to be. I'm worried I haven't changed as much as I'd hoped. Having you here helps, though."

"We'll get through this," Dorian said, reaching out with his free hand to caress Elden's cheek and urge him to turn to look at him again. Elden only had one hand, but he brought his left arm up to press against Dorian's. "You've saved the world more times than I can count; comparatively, this will be a breeze, I'm sure."

"You mean _we_ saved the world," Elden corrected, smiling a little as he finally met Dorian's gaze again.

"Well of course, you'd be positively lost without my guidance, but my point still stands. You're not fighting a war here. And you've made boring small talk with countless nobles; this will just be more of the same."

"I don't know that that makes it any better, I was always awful at that," Elden said with a reluctant laugh, squeezing Dorian's hand. "Can we go back to the inn?"

"Oh?" Dorian said, lowering his hand from Elden's cheek and stroking his left arm instead. "Eager to get me alone again, are you?"

"You're the only thing I want to think about right now. I owe you more than I can ever express and I'm so grateful that you're here with me now. I just want to be with you."

"Maker, what am I going to do with you?" Dorian said, his chest tight and feeling such a rush of affection and protectiveness.

"Well, it's also getting late. I wouldn't want to strain you anymore than necessary after how sick you've been," Elden said, teasing lightly.

"Hilarious."

Somehow Elden was always doing this, not only overwhelming him with the depths of emotions he felt, but also awakening such intense emotions in himself that Dorian was afraid he might drown in it all. Truth be told, he wanted the same thing. He wanted to drown Elden in affection in return, to ensure that all concerns would leave him in peace for as long as possible. So retiring for the evening sounded like an excellent idea. Dorian would do anything for his man and he couldn't help but marvel at how much he had changed since meeting him.

"I love you," Elden said.

"Yes, yes, come on then," Dorian said as they stood. "I love you too." He placed a kiss to Elden's forehead and took his hand again. "You'd better lead the way, however. I fear I'll just get us lost."


	6. Chapter 6

They'd stayed in bed tangled in each other's arms for as long as possible. They even had lunch there, although Dorian was concerned by how little Elden actually ate. The later it got, the quieter Elden became until, in the end, he had his face buried in Dorian's neck. Dorian wasn't completely sure he was even awake and, to be completely honest, he hoped he wasn't. If they slept right through the meeting with the Trevelyans, Elden wouldn't have to suffer through any longer. Sadly he eventually stirred with a defeated sigh. They both rose in relative silence and prepared to leave.

"Are you sure about this?" Dorian asked, reaching out and straightening Elden's collar, leaving a hand on Elden's chest when he was done.

"Not really," Elden said with a nervous laugh. He was putting on a brave face and Dorian desperately wished it wasn't necessary.

"It isn't too late, you know," Dorian said, leaning his forehead against Elden's. "We can leave, go- well, anywhere, really. You don't have to do this."

Elden wrapped his arms around his neck and just hugged him tightly for a long moment. "Thank you," he said before pulling away. "I'll be fine."

"Well, then. Let's go get this over with."

* * *

The Trevelyan family home was- not what Dorian had expected. When he thought of Elden, he thought of warm sunlight and comfort. Sure, everything was organized and put in its proper place, but it was all still well-used and well-loved. The Trevelyan home, however, was the opposite in every way.

As the front doors swung open to allow them entry, they stepped into a huge open room with a high ceiling. The decorations were sparse and elegant, although polished within an inch of their lives, making everything gleam painfully. Any sunlight filtering in was harsh and cold and their footsteps echoed hollowly on the hard floor. There was nothing soft or inviting about this place.

Elden's parents themselves weren't even there to greet them, so a servant ushered them into a parlor, where the decor wasn't much better. Everything looked so cold and clinical. Dorian's own childhood home had been similar, seeming more like a museum than anything, so this wasn't necessarily an unusual sight or even unexpected for a noble, it was just impossible for him to picture Elden ever living here. He wasn't sure how Elden could come from a place like this and still manage to be all warmth and softness.

They sat down on a hard bench to wait and, taking advantage of their brief privacy, Dorian squeezed Elden's knee reassuringly. Elden smiled at him, but it was thin and tired. He leaned into Dorian slightly but didn't say anything. It occurred to Dorian that, for most, meeting the parents would be a significant event. Their situation was a bit different however and in the end Dorian wasn't entirely certain he wanted to make a good impression. He was certain he only knew a fraction of all Elden had suffered here-an incredible amount of abandonment and neglect, to begin with-and he wasn't particularly excited to play nice with these people, especially after seeing the state just the idea of just seeing them had left Elden in. Still, Dorian's priority was making sure this all went as smoothly and painlessly as possible. Starting a fight would only make things worse for Elden.

When a servant finally returned and opened the door, Elden practically lept to his feet; Dorian followed as well, but he was definitely in no hurry. The Trevelyans looked like complete opposites; Lord Trevelyan was tall and thin, dark and regal and aloof. Dorian could definitely see the Tevinter bloodline in him, but kept that bit of information to himself. Lady Trevelyan, on the other hand, was large and broad and pale, a dusting of freckles across her nose nearly as abundant as Elden's. She looked like a woman who would suffer no nonsense, but at least she was smiling for now.

"Welcome home, son," she said as she approached..

Elden twitched ever so slightly at her words. It wasn't something most were likely to notice, but Dorian had grown used to his tells. It was handy during long exhausting days having to deal with dignitaries. He could always tell when Elden was reaching his limit and swoop in to rescue him. Still, Dorian wasn't completely sure which word Elden was reacting to. The insinuation that this could ever be called a home? Or that she'd ever treated him as her son? Nonetheless, she embraced Elden and Dorian couldn't help but notice the way he stiffened in surprise. Lord Trevelyan hugged him awkwardly as well.

"Good to see you, Elden," the Lord said, voice thick with a Starkhaven accent.

"Indeed, you look- good."

Dorian couldn't help but notice the hesitation there, or the way Lady Trevelyan glanced down at his missing hand. She looked rather like she was studying livestock, weighing its worth and contemplating a possibly deal-breaking flaw. But then the expression was gone and Dorian couldn't help but wonder if he'd imagined it. He better have. My, weren't they off to a great start; only a handful of words in and Dorian was already contemplating violence.

"You've been busy these past few years. We're proud of you."

"Thank you, Father," Elden said, not quite looking at him. He looked full of nervous energy, unsure what he was supposed to be doing.

"Don't be rude, darling," Lady Trevelyan chimed in. "Won't you introduce us to your companion?"

"Of course," Elden said quickly. "May I present Magister Dorian of House Pavus. Dorian, these are my parents, Bann Cassian and Rosalinde Trevelyan."

"Pleasure," Dorian said in as charming a voice as he could muster, reminding himself again that he was here for Elden. Best not to make a poor first impression no matter his personal feelings. He did not bow, however.

"We're so glad you were able to find the time to pay us a visit," Lady Trevelyan said, turning her full attention on Dorian. "Especially with you being newly appointed Magister. I imagine you have very little time to yourself."

"I must admit, this isn't exactly the kind of welcome I was expecting given my recent title," Dorian said. "As charming as I am, you'd be surprised the sorts of reactions I've gotten."

"Well, you are family after all," Lady Trevelyan said to his surprise. He wasn't exactly expecting to be welcome that readily. "We know how important you are to our son, and that's really all we need to know."

"That's certainly generous of you," Dorian said, moving closer to Elden's side and resting his hand on his back. Elden's expression was carefully neutral but Dorian could feel the tension in him.

"While I'm sure you found a lovely inn, I do wish you would reconsider. You are both perfectly welcome to stay here. We have the guest room all made up and everything."

"Now, now, Rosalinde," Lord Trevelyan chided. "If this is what they want, we should respect that."

"Thank you for the generous offer," Elden said quickly, but hesitated like he didn't know what to say next. Usually he was better at this sort of thing, especially after all the practice he had as Inquisitor.

"Indeed," Dorian said, stepping in before the pause could be considered odd. "But I'm afraid we've already settled in. Besides, we have a lot to do in the short time we'll be in Ostwick, I'm afraid we would be terrible guests. You'd barely see us at all."

"Oh, very well," Lady Trevelyan said with a sigh.

"Allow us to be good hosts while we are able," Lord Trevelyan said. "I beleive dinner should be ready. Shall we?"

* * *

Lord Trevelyan sat at the head of the table with Lady Trevelyan on his right, and Dorian and Elden on his left. At least this meant they were side by side so Dorian could discreetly squeeze Elden's hand. Of course, Elden would need that hand so as the food was brought out Dorian released it and just braced himself for the awkwardness that was bound to follow.

"I know you only received your title recently, Dorian, but you must be so proud to be following in your father's footsteps," Lady Trevelyan began.

Jumping right in, then, Dorian thought. "Something like that," he said instead.

"I'm sure he would be proud as well. We always hoped Elden would follow in our footsteps as well, but alas, his talents lay elsewhere. Still, we miss having you around, son. I remember you and your sisters running up and down the halls with those little wooden swords you made, it was quite adorable."

"I would have liked to have seen that," Dorian said, nudging Elden slightly, but stopped when he saw his grim expression. He tried to catch Elden's eye, but couldn't.

"I imagine you have much planned," Lady Trevelyan continued, drawing his attention again. "I'm afraid we actually don't know much about Tevinter politics. Would you care to clear up some details for us?"

Here we go. At least this was something Dorian had come to expect. Introductions in the south usually came with questions of Tevinter. It made sense given the colorful reputation his homeland had here; of course they'd be curious. Still, it could be rather tedious, especially when treading in dangerous territory. At least the Trevelyans were mainly interested in trading policy rather than debating mage rights.

The night droned on, and somewhere between the second course and Lord Trevelyan telling some sort of anecdote that he was sure would be charming if he was actually paying attention, Dorian was beginning to grow concerned. Elden had hardly spoken a word this entire time, barely touching his dinner. When Elden suddenly stood to excuse himself, Dorian practically leapt to his feet as well, more out of reflex than anything.

"If you're visiting the restroom, I rather think I should accompany you," Dorian said quickly. "I'd never hope to find it on my own otherwise."

"One of the servants can show you later," Lady Trevelyan said hopefully.

Dorian waved a placating hand as he followed Elden out. They went down a few hallways and once he was sure they were out of earshot, he tried to take Elden's hand but failed. "So how are you holding up so far?"

"Fine," Elden said, his expression impossible to read.

"All right, come on, it's only me," he said, unsettled by the way Elden refused to look at him.

"Yeah, no, really, it's fine," Elden said dismissively, with a lightness that felt false. "I should probably apologize, I guess I didn't need to drag you here after all. I think I tend to remember them more harshly than is fair, and I may have been overreacting with all of this."

"What?" Dorian said, feeling a chill at his words.

"They're being perfectly pleasant and I'm glad. Maybe they've changed, or maybe I'm remembering wrong. I mean, I was just a child."

"That's enough of that," Dorian said, taking his arm and stopping him. Elden kept his eyes on the ground, not looking at him, and Dorian hated it. "Please, I'm not a fool. You haven't told me much, but just look around; it's obvious the kind of people they are and you're not one to exaggerate. I'm on your side, remember? You don't have to do this."

Elden finally looked up at him, surprised, before the expression fell away and he looked guilty and so so tired. He leaned forward, resting his head on Dorian's shoulder, his hand on his hip, like he had no energy left. "I'm sorry, I don't-"

"It's fine," Dorian said, wrapping his arms around him, kissing his ear.

"When I was younger," Elden began, slowly, "I was afraid of my mother. I still am, I suppose. I tried to tell a few people I thought I could trust, but they didn't believe me. One even laughed. I guess I'm still expecting that. They win everyone over. I'm sorry, I don't mean to doubt you, I trust you more than I trust myself, I'm so sorry, I just-"

"I understand," Dorian interrupted, running a hand through Elden's hair. "It's a hard habit to break. Would it help to discuss any of it?"

"I'm sorry, I can't- I can't. I'm afraid. They make me feel like- like I'm remembering everything wrong and it wasn't that bad, I'm just overreacting and I'm terrified it's true. Or maybe it didn't even happen. Maybe I resent them for no reason and I deserved-"

"No," Dorian interrupted, pulling back so he could look Elden in the eye, so he could bring a hand up to stroke his cheek. "You didn't. You didn't deserve any of it. Your scars are real. Even if they are completely unaware, which I find highly unlikely, it doesn't make them blameless and it certainly doesn't erase what you went through."

"They took everything from me," Elden said as he leaned into the hand and closed his eyes. "Again and again, and the worst part is I let them. I thought it would be different this time, that I would be stronger, but I can't- they make me feel powerless, like I'm just a child again and I fear I might let them take everything again. I don't care, really, they can have it all, but you- I can't lose you."

"You're not going to, amatus," Dorian said, kissing him before wrapping his arms around him tightly again. "That's never going to happen. Besides, they're not as clever as you think."

"They're not as clever as you, you mean," Elden said with a shaky chuckle. That was a start at least.

"Of course not, have you noticed how they're acting?" Dorian said, seizing on the lighter tone. "The evening's barely half over and it's obvious they want something. You can practically feel their restless anticipation. They're attempting to make a good impression, build some sort of relationship so when they ask for the favor it won't seem completely manipulative."

"Thank you," Elden mumbled into his shoulder.

"Nonsense, I'm here for you, remember? I thought playing nice would make things easier on you, but if you'd like me to raise the dead and have them tramp all over your mother's clean floors, I'll gladly do it."

"No, no," Elden said, laughing weakly again. "I'm sorry, you're already doing everything I asked you to and it's probably for the best not to start anything. Thank you for coming. I don't think I could have done this without you."

"Of course. Still, I don't particularly like being manipulated. Perhaps they could stand to feel a little uncomfortable."

"What exactly are you planning?"

"Just trust me, amatus."

"I do. I love you."

"And I you. Now," Dorian said, cupping Elden's face and kissing him briefly. "How long do you think until our absence become suspicious?"

"I'm not sure," Elden said, chuckling. "But I do actually need to use the restroom."

* * *

Elden was still subdued when they returned to the table, but at least he didn't seem as down. He even reached out and took Dorian's hand. Dorian squeezed it encouragingly and didn't let go until the next course arrived. Of course Lady Trevelyan was all too eager to launch back into discussing the family business. Perhaps she could sense that Dorian was barely listening, too preoccupied stealing glances at Elden as he rested a hand on his thigh in a way he hoped was reassuring, because eventually she fell silent.

"So what are your plans now, Elden?" Lord Trevelyan asked, filling the silence.

"I imagine you must want to settle down and retire, what with your injuries," Lady Trevelyan chimed in before Elden could answer. "It's a shame your fighting days are over. I've heard of some of your feats as inquisitor, it would have been something to see in the Tourney."

"Actually Elden is still quite adept with the sword," Dorian said defensively when Elden mumbled something noncommittal. "He's still perfectly capable of holding his own."

"Still, no need to push yourself, dear," Lady Trevelyan said, voice dripping with sympathy that Dorian didn't believe was sincere for a moment. "I imagine it might be nice to take it easy, perhaps return to the quiet life with the Chantry?"

They were trying to get rid of him again, Dorian realized with a flare of rage. Elden had proven himself time and time again, but if they couldn't leach off of him he was simply in the way. Dorian found his hand under the table again and squeezed it tightly.

"Oh I think not," Dorian said. "That would be such a bore. Well, you could always be the Divine's bodyguard, right amatus? Still, could be a bit dull after commanding armies, but there's plenty of other options for you."

"S-sure." Elden looked a little horrified at the direction of the conversation. No doubt he didn't exactly want to be the topic of the day, so Dorian switched gears.

"For now I think we're both due a little relaxation." He turned back to Lady Trevelyan. "I'm trying to talk him into visiting Nevarra. Their cities of the dead sound absolutely fascinating. I have it on good authority that all the moaning can keep one awake at night, but it sounds well worth it. I'm a necromancer, you see, I'd love to exchange tips with the Mortalitasi."

The Trevelyans looked suitably horrified at this and Elden had to hide a small smile behind a cough. Dorian continued with this angle, sparing no gruesome detail as he elaborated on necromancy. Honestly, it was impressive to watch the Trevelyans recover enough to appear hesitantly interested despite the suppressed grimaces, and he deeply enjoyed knowing they were so put off.

Dorian was very good at dominating the conversation, preventing the Trevelyans from changing the subject. By the time the night was over and they were seeing them off, Lady Trevelyan still hadn't had the opportunity to ask for her favor. Honestly, she looked like she was trying her best to find a way to ease into it, but failed. Lord Trevelyan, however, looked rather relieved to see them go.

* * *

Elden looked positively exhausted. By the time they returned to their room he immediately climbed into bed, barely taking the time to pull off his boots. Dorian joined him after removing his own finery.

"Come on, roll over," Dorian said, nudging him. Elden rolled over onto his back with a sigh. Dorian straddled his waist and began unbuttoning his coat.

"Sorry," Elden mumbled. "I'm more trouble than I'm worth."

"I'll be the judge of that," Dorian said, abandoning his work to take Elden's hand in his, weaving their fingers together while rubbing his left arm the way he did when the phantom pains of the mark got to be too much, before leaning down to place a kiss on Elden's nose. "And you most certainly are not."

"I'm sorry for everything, about all of this, I just-"

"You're not allowed to apologize for the rest of this trip," Dorian said, pulling away and finishing with the buttons. "Besides, I rather enjoyed horrifying your parents. Now sit up."

"Yeah," Elden said with another sigh as he did what he was told.

Dorian slipped Elden's jacket off before tossing it aside, pushing him back down onto the bed, and looking him in the eye. "Talk to me."

"Sor-" Elden began before catching the look Dorian shot him. "Um, I mean, it's just that this shouldn't be messing me up as much as it is. I can't stop thinking about it and I just feel so weak."

"You're not. You were just a child. I am curious how much of what your mother said was true. The story of you and your sisters sparring around the house, for example. It does conjure up an enjoyable image."

"We only did it once," Elden said, looking away as he brought a hand up and placed it on Dorian's chest, feeling his heartbeat. "Then we broke something. I don't even remember what it was."

"I see." Elden's expression told Dorian all he needed to know and he just desperately hoped there had been no physical violence involved. He slid off of Elden and laid down beside him before pulling him into a tight embrace. "Do you wish to discuss it?"

"There isn't really much more to say. I think she liked that we were afraid of her. She definitely encouraged it."

"Tell me, how upset would you be if tomorrow you learned their house burned down in a mysterious accident?" He wasn't completely sure what Lady Trevelyan had done to reprimand them, but it didn't matter. He was furious and rather wished he'd told them off when he had the chance. At least he won a small chuckle from Elden.

"They're not worth it, I'd rather just not think about them."

"Lucky for you avoidance and distractions are my specialty," Dorian said with a grin, shifting so he could kiss Elden tenderly. "The hard part is over, just relax. You never have to see them again. I just need to horrify your old Chantry friends and then we can be off."

"They're definitely not ready for you," Elden said, chuckling again as he lifted his chin, letting Dorian kiss across his jaw.

"Anything I should watch out for?" Dorian asked as he made his way back up to kiss his lips.

"Not really. I expect it'll just be boring."

"And perhaps the pretentiousness we've come to expect from the Chantry."

"That too," Elden said, pressing his nose to Dorian's and thankfully smiling a little.

"Of course. In that case, let's worry about all that tomorrow and go see if we can find a warm bath to relax in."

"That sounds nice."


	7. Chapter 7

"Dorian?"

Elden's voice jerked him awake and the concern he heard there had Dorian sitting up with a start, trying to focus and get his bearings in the dark, preparing for the worst.

"What, what is it?" Dorian mumbled, already preparing his magic in case they were under attack.

"Thank the Maker," Elden sighed, sounding so relieved as he flopped back down onto the bed.

"More nightmares?" Dorian asked, relaxing now he knew they were out of physical danger. He lay back down as well, pulling close to Elden and settled against him. Elden had suffered nightmares for so long. While Dorian didn't know if they would ever truly leave him in peace completely, they'd at least gotten less frequent since moving to Kirkwall. If being here in Ostwick was causing them to resurface or grow worse, however, Dorian had half a mind to burn the entire city to the ground and be done with it.

"It's just the usual."

Dorian couldn't help but muse that 'just the usual' didn't exactly narrow it down. They'd shared all sorts of horrible dreams with each other in the dark of night over the years when they were too afraid to sleep, when all they could do was comfort the other as best they could. Still, Dorian didn't exactly need to know the details and asking Elden to recount it could just make it worse, so instead he placed a gentle kiss to the closes part of Elden he could reach; his forehead perhaps? It was so dark and he already felt sleep pulling at him again but he pushed it away, just wrapping Elden up tightly in his arms.

"We could just go, you know," Dorian murmured, running his hand through Elden's hair. "Leave this all behind and never look back."

"I want to see it through. You said yourself, the hard part is over"

"You don't have to put yourself through all this. You don't owe them anything. On the contrary, it rather seems like they owe you a great deal. You don't have to suffer on their account."

"Thank you," Elden said. He burrowed down into the blankets and Dorian's arms until he was pressed against his chest, head tucked under Dorian's chin. "I'm sorry I haven't been better about warning you about what's going on here. I guess- I guess even I didn't realize it had messed me up so much."

"It's fine, amatus. I understand."

"I still owe you a better explanation. I've been nothing but vague. Growing up here- I just never seemed to be enough. My mother was strict and terrifying. She trained horses and dogs all her life and took the same approach to raising us. But what was worse- it was so isolating. Even Dez left eventually and then I had no one. There was a boy. He was the only person who stayed. We were so close. I thought I loved him, I thought I could trust him-" Elden cut himself off, taking a deep breath to compose himself and Dorian kissed his forehead again.

"I'm guessing your mother got to him," Dorian finished. Elden had said she was good at turning people against him. If she could influence someone so close to him, no wonder Elden had acted the way he had at dinner. "It's fine, you don't have to go on."

"I still don't really know what happened. Like you said, we were young, I can't really blame him. Just, one day he didn't want anything to do with me. I thought I was over this, it was so long ago, but- but I know this is different and I need you to know that I trust you. With everything, always. I know I can be-"

"Shh, that's enough," Dorian said, interrupting him as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I know. There's never been any doubt in my mind how much you care. You're doing fine. Besides, Maker knows I've had my own moments of insecurity."

"Thank you," Elden said, his voice unsteady.

"None of that, now," Dorian replied. "We're muddling through. Well, more than that I'd say."

Elden gave him a grateful squeeze before he continued. "After that, for some reason I was desperate to make my parents happy. I guess, they were the only ones left and I think I wanted someone to look at me like I was wanted. I started cutting parts of myself away in an attempt to become the person they wanted me to be. I didn't realize it was impossible until there was hardly anything left of me."

Dorian tightened his arms around Elden, wishing he could shield him from all of that but knowing it was far too late. "You know that isn't true, don't you? You are so much more than that."

"After Solas and, well, everything," Elden continued quietly. "It's gotten harder. It feels like they were right. Thank you for being here, for reminding me that I don't have to be that person anymore. That I don't answer to them any longer."

"I'll never stop reminding you if necessary," Dorian said, kissing him again, rubbing his back gently. "And we will stop Solas as well." He would tear the world apart if it meant giving this man a break from all of this pain. He'd done so much, but Solas had made him feel like a failure regardless and Dorian would never forgive him for that. The time would come, but Elden didn't need his anger right now.

"I don't want to leave you so unprepared for tomorrow," Elden continued, his own arms holding Dorian just as tightly. "I don't think I would have lasted much longer with my parents, to be honest. I think the Chantry probably saved my life. Not everyone was kind there, of course. It's exactly what you'd expect with all the usual hypocrisies and greed and petty infighting. Very few paid me any mind, really, but that was kind of refreshing. All I really had to do there was keep my head down. It was easier to just keep quiet and out of sight."

Dorian had only known him as the Inquisitor, leading armies and deciding the fate of empires. Elden had always struggled with confidence to some extent, but he'd taken to leadership quite well and there was no denying his spectacular success over Corypheus. Knowing these people had taken all that he was and tried to destroy it; Dorian was enraged. And his heart was broken knowing Elden had been alone, living like that for so long.

"You didn't deserve any of that," was all Dorian could think to say. He felt like he was repeating himself but he'd never been particularly good at this. "You never have to live like that again."

"I know," Elden said. "I know it isn't rational but I think a small part of me feared you might think less of me if you knew what I had been like before."

"Never," Dorian said with such finality that Elden chuckled.

"Thank you, love. I feel like I'm giving you an inaccurate impression of my childhood though. It wasn't all bad. I'd like to share some of the nicer stories with you too."

"I'd like that," Dorian said, still combing his fingers through Elden's hair.

"I'll tell you some tomorrow, I didn't mean to talk your ear off tonight. We should really go back to sleep so we aren't completely useless in the morning."

Dorian huffed but there wasn't really anything else to be said. All he could do was hold Elden tight and trust that they would get through this.

* * *

The Ostwick Chantry was as gaudy as Dorian expected. And, of course, they arrived to discover that there was a reception scheduled beforehand which meant they had to mingle before they could get the actual ceremony over with. Dorian was introduced to so many people they were all blending together; mother this, sister that, the occasional brother. Everyone was so eager to meet the former Inquisitor that even Elden didn't recognize all of them, although when he did he would whisper stories and interesting details to Dorian when he was able.

While some of the looks Dorian received when introduced with his full title were truly fantastic, mostly horrified or indignant, he was largely ignored. Truth be told, he was rather thankful for it. He was more concerned with watching Elden. He looked deflated and exhausted, saying as little as possible and responding with vague or neutral comments when the conversations turned to more touchy subjects such as the reasons behind the Inquisition dissolving.

At least everyone seemed to be mostly behaving themselves, unlike last night's dinner party. Still, it was obvious Elden didn't have the energy for this and there was only so much Dorian could do to hurry the conversations along. He perhaps enjoyed dropping comments about Tevinter to frighten people away a tad too much.

"You're close with Divine Victoria, are you not?

That pulled Dorian out of his contemplations. He couldn't remember the name of the Mother they were currently talking to but at the comment Dorian's eyes narrowed. Was this going where he thought it was going?

"I suppose so," Elden replied. "We worked together in the Inquisition."

"Oh, no need to be modest, dear," the woman said, placing a hand on Elden's elbow much too familiarly, as if he was her grandchild. "From what I hear, it was your support that earned her the position."

"No, I-" Elden began, looking uncomfortable, but was interrupted.

"They've been going back and forth on what to do with the leadership around here; something really should be done, we've been directionless for too long. I'm sure if the Divine stepped in, no one would object to her choice of who should be dubbed the next Revered Mother. I don't want an introduction or anything, but perhaps you could put a word in for an old friend?"

"Ah, and so your true intentions finally come to light," Dorian said, louder than he had intended, surprising Elden as well as the Mother. Dorian had been on the edge for so long, his anger barely contained, but this was the last straw. She wanted to use Elden, like everyone else, and Dorian would not tolerate it.

"Dorian," Elden said, and he looked so tired, like he had been expecting this all along. He was just resigned to this, he'd lived with it all for most of his life, and it made Dorian's blood burn. He'd held his tongue as much as he could, but Dorian couldn't do it any longer. He would not allow them to treat Elden this way ever again.

"You realize," he said, voice dangerous. He was creating a scene but he couldn't bring himself to care. "That we could just as easily ruin whatever career you are attempting to advance, yes? Your grasping and manipulating will leave you with nothing if you bother the Inquisitor with such requests again. I assure you, you do not want to draw the ire of a Tevinter Magister."

"Dorian," Elden said again as he took his hand, leading him away from the stunned woman.

Dorian was still fuming by the time they found an empty room. "I know I shouldn't be surprised," he said as soon as Elden closed the door behind them. "We've encountered our fair share of conniving Chantry sisters, but I suppose I'd hoped they would at least try to-"

When Elden turned he was smiling and wrapped his arms around Dorian, interrupting him. "Thank you," he whispered, and all Dorian could do was hold him tightly, burying his face in his shoulder.

"Yes, well," Dorian said, not really sure what to say, but he could feel Elden's hand digging into his shirt as he held onto him tightly. At least he wasn't angry with Dorian's outburst. "I suppose yelling was better than the alternative. People tend to disapprove of getting physical with the clergy. I'm guessing you had to put up with a great deal of that while you were staying here? Honestly surviving all of that is much more impressive than anything we ever did in the Inquisition."

"Most of the people here were fine, but she's always been like that, grasping for power." Elden chuckled, resting his head against Dorian's shoulder. "I know antagonize her isn't a good idea, but still. I think I enjoyed that more than I should have. Thank you."

"My pleasure," Dorian said, turning so he could kiss his forehead gently, running his fingers through his hair. "Anyone else I can threaten for you?"

"No, it's okay," Elden said, laughing into his neck. "It's just, seeing you standing up for me- that was incredibly attractive. Maker, I love you."

"I thought you were supposed to be discouraging me from threatening people? I can go back out there and blackmail her as well if you like?"

"No, no," Elden said, still chuckling as he wrapped his arms around his neck pulled Dorian close, smiling into a kiss.

"So," Dorian said, drawing out the word suggestively when they drew apart. "What's the schedule like? Think anyone would miss us if he stayed in here for a while longer?"

"I think we have time," Elden said with a laugh.

"Good." Dorian kissed him deeply, pressing him against the wall, feeling his warmth as Elden held him.

"Don't ever let me go," Elden whispered.

"Never."

* * *

Thankfully, they managed to make it back in time for the ceremony looking perfectly presentable. And Elden was standing taller, looking more confident and really that's all that mattered. They sat side by side, not so discreetly holding hands, until it finally came to an end.

"I should probably go pay my respects," Elden said, gesturing to the people gathering at the front of the room. "You can stay here if you like, it will only be a moment."

"Are you leaving me behind to prevent another scene?" Dorian couldn't help but ask, eyebrow raised and unable to completely hide a smirk.

"No, no," Elden chuckled. "I just want to say my goodbyes, maybe shake a hand or two. I'll be fine on my on. Thank you for worrying." He placed a kiss to Dorian's cheek and left.

Dorian crossed his arms, glaring at anyone who glanced in his direction. Elden might have said that it would be fine but that didn't mean Dorian was going to relax. Instead he watched Elden intently for any change in posture or expression while he contemplated how one might get revenge on everyone who had ever so much as looked at Elden wrong.

An older woman who must have been a Mother given her garb sat down beside him, her attention on Elden as well. Dorian glanced sideways at her, but certainly wasn't going to be the one to break the silence. Eventually she spoke.

"When I heard about you, I have to say I wasn't impressed. I had a whole speech planned with all sorts of convincing threats that would have even given a Magister pause."

"Oh?" Dorian said, glancing at her again, but she still wasn't looking at him so he turned his eyes back to Elden.

"Indeed," she said, folding her hands in her lap. "Elden is a good boy and I wasn't going to stand for some Tevinter poisoning him."

"That's rich," Dorian couldn't help but mumble under his breath given everything Elden had endured here.

"Now that I've seen you both together, though, I'm not sure it's needed after all."

"Really?" Dorian said. "I mean, sure, my natural charm does tend to win most over, but you hardly know me."

"Don't think I didn't notice the two of you going off on your own. And now look at him," the woman said, nodding to where Elden was shaking hands with yet another chantry member. "I've never seen him stand so tall. Even as a child he always looked like he'd rather just, I don't know, disappear I suppose. But he seems so much happier now. And it's obvious you care about him. I think you're good for him."

"How dare you, I have a reputation to uphold," Dorian said rather unconvincingly. Still, it was nice that at least someone from Elden's past seemed to care. "But as nice as it would be to take the credit, honestly he's done all this himself. And besides, it's more the other way around. I think he's rather good for me."

"EIther way," she said, standing. "Have a good evening, Magister Pavus."

She hobbled over to Elden, shaking his hand before vanishing into the crowd. It was only a few minutes later when Elden returned.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"Exceedingly," Dorian replied, jumping to his feet. "Let's get out of this place."

* * *

"During mass I'd often keep an eye on the children of the parents attending," Elden mused, gazing around at the Chantry grounds as they headed down the walkway towards the street. "I think that was my favorite task here. Me and a few sisters made toys and games and we'd play with the kids all morning. I always looked forward to it."

"That does sound pleasant. And how do you feel now, knowing you might never be back? Will you miss it?" Dorian asked, linking their arms. It was nice to hear him talking about pleasant memories for a change. Dorian just wished it could stay like this for the rest of the visit.

"Maker, no, I feel relieved. It might not have been all bad, but I'm glad it's in the past." Elden gave Dorian's arm a squeeze. "Besides, with you here, why would I want to dwell on the past?"

"Flatterer," Dorian said, smiling. He stopped and turned to kiss Elden tenderly, his hands wrapping loosely around his waist. When they drew apart, Elden was smiling so brightly as he brought a hand up to frame Dorian's cheek. "All of the things you were dreading are done with. What say we go do something actually fun?"

"I'd love that."


	8. Chapter 8

Content warning: mentions of childhood physical and verbal abuse in the third section

* * *

They were sitting at a table outside a small cafe, reaching across to each other so they could hold hands while they spoke. They'd already finished their breakfast, but they were so caught up they'd lost track of the time. Dorian was leaning on his elbow, distracted by the way the bright morning sunlight played across Elden's hair, the slight curls ruffled by a gentle breeze.

"What is it?" Elden asked, squeezing his hand gently. There was a knowing glint in Elden's eye however and suddenly Dorian wished there wasn't a table between them so he could pull him closer. "Is there a reason you're smiling at me like that?"

"What can I say, I'm feeling sentimental," Dorian replied. He hadn't even realized he'd been smiling to be honest, but then Elden was as smiling back and it was quite the sight. "I love you."

Elden's slight blush at that was glorious, especially with the way his face lit up, his smile growing even wider as if he couldn't have been happier than he was in this moment.

"And I love you," Elden replied with what must have been all the affection in the world.

Dorian couldn't help but be caught up in the moment, unable to look away from those gorgeous eyes. There had been a time not long ago when all of this would have been so overwhelming, perhaps even terrifying, when Dorian couldn't even call what they had 'love' for fear that giving it a name would spell its end. It could still be overwhelming at times, the past was a hard thing to shake, but more than anything he loved Elden and would do anything to make him feel the way Elden made him feel. When someone came by to clear away their dishes they were pulled out of their moment, smiling sheepishly at each other.

"Let's get out of here," Elden said and Dorian was all too eager to follow.

* * *

They were walking aimlessly, hand in hand, just enjoying their morning. Elden seemed mostly back to his old self today, more composed and relaxed, no longer threatening to fall apart at any moment. Dorian couldn't help but be proud of him. He'd faced his past and hopefully now he'd be able to find some peace. Elden brought their hands up, placing a kiss to Dorian's knuckles as they walked and Dorian couldn't help but smile fondly at him.

"I have an idea," Elden said, glancing over at him.

"Oh?"

"Growing up, Dez got fed up with our mother and we ended up running away from home," Elden began.

"Well, you certainly have my attention, starting off a story like that. I had no idea you were such a rebel."

"It was all Dez, I assure you," Elden said, chuckling. "I was just along for the ride."

"And where did you end up going? I can't imagine you mother was particularly pleased about this whole situation."

"Since the Tourney is such a big thing here," Elden explained. "There are training camps all over the Free Marches that kids can go to in order to learn under warriors who had competed in the past. Usually they were retired, but it was still fairly prestigious. To be honest, mother is such a big fan of the Tourney that she probably would have jumped at the idea to send us there, but we didn't want to take the chance that she might say no so we simply left. She was furious, of course, but there was no way she could drag us home without causing a scene so she let us stay."

"That seems like quite the gamble."

"I suppose, but we were both being smothered at home," Elden said, looking down as he remembered that unpleasant time. "We needed to get away."

"That's definitely something I can understand," Dorian said, bumping Elden's shoulder with his own and squeezing his fingers. Elden smiled at him and it was nice to have that back. "So, what, we're going to go pay one of these camps a visit?"

"Even better," Elden said with a grin. "The kids all gather to compete in sort of a junior league nearby. There should be one happening this afternoon. I know it isn't the real thing, but do you want to go watch?"

"I would love to," Dorian said. "Just as long as you point out all the events you participated in. I want all the details."

* * *

Dorian sat behind Elden on the horse, arms wrapped around his waist as they meandered down the path. It was a pleasant afternoon and Dorian tightened his grip on Elden. This was what he had hoped this trip would be like; just the two of them, exploring the good parts of Elden's childhood, seeing the way his face lit up as he reminisced. And having a pleasant ride along the countryside, seeing the landscape and wondering if this had been a place Elden might have played, climbing trees or playing games with his sister. And as they rode, Elden shared more of his past.

"Being at the camp was- it was amazing, honestly," he said, sounding adorably excited. "I was free from my parents' control for the first time. It was so liberating. Well, honestly it was a bit overwhelming. I made friends, though, and I enjoyed the lessons. It's why I ended up becoming a Champion for the Inquisition after all. I loved it here so much."

It was so nice to see Elden remembering happy memories for once. And Dorian was so glad that he had had this place, that he was able to find joy and safety here after seeing everything he had to endure.

When they arrived, they dismounted and left the horse with a stable hand and headed off to see the festivities. Hand in hand, Dorian watching the excitement on Elden's face more than the actual surroundings. Elden was overjoyed, explaining the different attractions. Spending a day wandering around, watching events and talking, hearing Elden laugh, something he hadn't heard nearly enough in recent days, made Dorian reflect that this must have been the perfect day.

"I love you, amatus," he said, overcome with emotion, placing a kiss on Elden's hand.

Elden smiled radiantly at him, placing a quick kiss to his cheek. They couldn't help but seek out some solitude, to steal some time alone. There were plenty of structures, smaller buildings that housed the children staying there or held supplies, and bigger ones that served as classrooms among other things. They ended up wandering behind the tiered seating behind a currently unused ring. They walked slowly, no real path in mind, just enjoying each other's presence, talking and laughing quietly. Dorian was about ready to pull Elden close when he heard someone call out to them.

"Well, well, well! Look who it is."

It was disturbing what just hearing that voice did to Elden. His entire body language changed, stiffening up as his expression twisted into a mask of fear, looking as if he was near ready to bolt, sending Dorian a panicked look. Dorian stepped close, hand on Elden's back, and he seemed to compose himself. Dorian could still feel him trembling ever so slightly and he tried to ask Elden what was wrong, but he shook his head.

"If it isn't my little brother," a man said as he came around into view. Ah. Brother. Dorian still didn't exactly know what the deal was between them, but if it could make Elden appear like this- "I heard you were in town but fancy meeting you all the way out here!"

"What are you doing here?" Elden demanded, voice sounding surprisingly hard.

"Oh, you know, I work for the city guard now. Thought I'd come out here to see if there's anyone we could recruit."

Well wasn't that repellant. "I had no idea Ostwick was so desperate that the city guards had to hire children."

"Ah, you must be the Magister, right? I thought you people would be all for that sort of thing."

"His name is Dorian," Elden said and he sounded so furious. He took a small step forward, almost as if he was putting himself between Dorian and his brother, but Dorian stepped up with him, refusing to let him stand alone.

"All right then, Dorian, I'm Matheus," he said, stance casual as if he hadn't noticed the hostility. Truth be told, Dorian could definitely see the family resemblance. He looked a lot like Elden's mother; blond hair, freckles, the works, although his build was much leaner. Elden was at least a head taller than him as well.

"Pleasure, I'm sure," Dorian replied distractedly, trying to catch Elden's eye. His first instinct was to start hurling fireballs, but he figured it would be best to wait until Elden gave him a signal. If only he would look at him.

"And I gotta hand it to ya little brother. I didn't think you had it in you." Matheus raised his eyebrows suggestively and Dorian just arched an eyebrow.

"What?" Elden said, sounding almost horrified.

"No offense," Matheus said, raising a placating hand. "I only meant that you ended up doing pretty well for yourself. After mom and dad couldn't marry you off-"

"That's not why I'm with Dorian," Elden said. He looked so tense, trembling in either rage or fear. Perhaps both.

"Whatever you say," Matheus said with a smug grin and Dorian just wanted to get Elden out of here as soon as possible.

"I am quite the catch and as much as I'd love to stand around and talk about me, we should really get going," Dorian said, stepping forward. "We were just about to leave, actually. We're in a bit of a rush, you see."

"Oh sure, hopefully we'll get to catch up later."

"Quite," Dorian said, trying to keep the disdain out of his voice.

"Oh come on, lighten up, you two. No need to look so grim, we're practically at a festival, remember? Although Elden never has been able to take a joke, isn't that right? Always so serious."

He reached out to Elden and Dorian didn't even care what he was planning to do. He grabbed his wrist before he got anywhere close, holding it firmly, but Elden still recoiled.

"Quite the reflexes, you've got there," Matheus said, looking up at him warily. "And the grip."

"Yes, well, fighting a war tends to do that."

"Right, well, if you'll let me go I guess I'll head out?"

"With pleasure," Dorian said, standing fully between him and Elden as he released him. Matheus gave them both a confused look, but nonetheless turned to leave.

Dorian didn't turn back to Elden until Matheus vanished around a corner. When he did, however, Elden was already walking away in the other direction. He entered a nearby storage shed and Dorian trotted after him. Inside it was mostly empty, the majority of the supplies currently in use, but what was there cast odd shadows across the floor from the flickering torchlight. He found Elden, arm raised and resting against the wall, hand balled into a fist. His head was bowed, obscured behind his arm, but Dorian didn't need to see his expression to read him, to see the tension and barely contained panic in every part of him, to practically feel the self loathing in the slight trembling of his shoulders.

"Could- could you leave me alone for a moment?" Elden asked, flinching at the way his voice wavered slightly.

That gave Dorian pause. Elden had never asked him to leave before. Sure, he would deflect and try to convince him everything was fine even when it clearly wasn't, but Elden had never asked him to go.

"Not a chance," Dorian said. He wanted to approach, to grab Elden and pull him close, hold him as tightly as he could until the trembling stopped. He didn't exactly understand what was happening, but Elden was upset and honestly that was all he needed to know in this moment. Dorian closed the door behind him, emphasizing his determination to remain.

"Dorian please," Elden said, sounding desperate as he finally turned to face him, his arm falling to his side like he had no energy left. His hand was still held in a tight fist and his eyes were on the floor, unable to meet his, and Dorian didn't like that at all. "I can't do this. Not now."

"That's fine, but I'm still not leaving."

"I never wanted you to see me like this. I'm not strong enough. I never will be. I'm nothing."

"You know that's not true."

"Do I?" Elden demanded, sounding almost frantic. "I thought I'd changed, I thought I'd gotten better, but being back here, seeing my brother again, I feel like I did when I was a child. I'm still the same person, aren't I? All this time has gone by and I haven't changed at all. I hate this hold he still has over me. I'm so pathetic. I've fought dragons and gods but he's still able to reduce me to this-"

Elden wavered and dropped to the ground, curling tightly in on himself as he covered his face, trying to smother the sob that escaped him, shaking uncontrollably. Dorian's chest felt painfully tight at the sight and he decided to damn all caution and dropped down beside him, somehow managing to haul Elden into his lap so he could hold him close, barely aware that he was speaking, trying to sooth Elden any way he knew how as he sobbed, the dam finally opening.

It was heartbreaking and infuriating and Dorian once again contemplated burning the entire city down. He squeezed Elden tightly, wishing there was something, anything he could do. Elden had done so much, become so strong, and the fact that this place was making him feel weak when he was the strongest man Dorian knew-

It was a long time until Elden quieted. They rearranged, Dorian leaning back against the wall with Elden curled against his chest. Elden felt limp in his arms and Dorian kissed his temple and just hugged him close. Elden brought his hand up to rub against Dorian's and they just sat like that for a time.

"Is this what it was like for you?" Elden asked suddenly, voice rough from strain. He took a fist-full of Dorian's robes and was just clinging to him as if he was afraid he might fall without him here. His left arm was pressed tightly against his chest as if he was in pain.

"What?"

"When you went back to Tevinter. Did it hurt?"

"I suppose it did hurt, in a way," Dorian said. He ran his fingers through Elden's hair and just pulled him closer.

"And I made you go through it alone. Maker, Dorian, I'm so sorry," Elden said, finally raising his tear-streaked face and it broke Dorian's heart to see him like this.

"Nonsense," Dorian said. He wiped Elden's cheek before pulling him close again until his head rested on Dorian's shoulder. "I was the one who forbade you from accompanying me."

"I should have gone anyway, I should have-"

"We are both remarkably stubborn, amatus. You can't blame yourself for my pigheadedness. Besides, you were with me, in a way. You gave me the strength to get through all of it."

"I'm sorry," Elden said, voice muffled against Dorian.

"None of that, now," Dorian replied, continuing to stroke his fingers through his hair. "It's not your fault. And I wish you could see how incredibly brave you are just for returning here."

"I'm not, not at all. I'm afraid of my own brother, I can't even stand against him on my own."

"Elden, you just did."

Elden laughed bitterly. "That wasn't- I would have let him walk all over me, it was only the fear of him turning on you that made me say anything at all. And even then you had to protect me."

"Tell me about him."

"My brother- he has a temper."

"I see," Dorian said, feeling his own anger rising. "And what exactly does he do with this temper?"

"My mother thought I was too soft. She didn't care when my brother started pushing me around. She thought it would be good for me. Even when he- when he slipped up and bruised or broke something not covered by clothing, mother would simply call for a healer and warn him to be more careful next time."

"Maker, Elden," Dorian whispered, holding him all the tighter.

His own eyes stung with tears even as he glanced at the door, desperately wanting to go hunt that man down. Instead, he kissed Elden's forehead. He looked so vulnerable, and the thought that Elden had suffered at the hands of another, his own brother even, made Dorian's blood boil. It was heartbreaking and none of them deserved this man in their lives.

"I hate how easily I'm reduced to this. I'm more trouble than I'm worth, Dorian, why do you even-"

"Stop it," Dorian said as gently as he could. "You are worth so much. Just to me, you are worth more than you'll ever truly be able to grasp."

Elden looked so small, curled in on himself as he was, and he kept his gaze down as if he were ashamed. Dorian's chest twisted painfully seeing him this way and he would have given anything to reassure him, to prove to him how good, how important and wonderful Elden truly was. These old wounds, the things he endured in his youth, none of it diminished him in any way. How could it? If anything it simply proved just how strong he was. Of course Elden would brush all reassurances away though. All Dorian could do was hold him tightly until the trembling stopped, wishing desperately that he could ease even a small amount of the pain Elden felt.


	9. Chapter 9

Feeling Elden, curled so small in his lap like he was trying to disappear, slightly trembling, was becoming an unsettlingly common event. The world had been requiring so much from Elden, taking him apart piece by piece until he finally collapsed with nothing left of himself to give. And yet everyone still demanded more. Before he'd had a chance to recover, something else was breaking him down and Dorian didn't know what to do.

Really, all he could do was hold him tightly, help him stand when he fell, and get him away from all of these damnable people, these leeches who had fed off of this man who would willingly give everything if he thought it might help just one person. Dorian would never forgive any of them for what they had done to Elden and as much as he wanted to unleash that fury, Elden needed him more. So he stayed.

Dorian would have stayed in that storage room for days if necessary, blasting magic at anyone foolish enough to disturb them. Luckily that didn't become necessary. It wasn't long until Elden sat up, looked over at him, his red eyes causing a tightness in Dorian's chest, and asked him to get him out of here.

Elden had his head bowed as they walked and Dorian kept his arm around his shoulders, holding him close, offering whatever silent support he could. Conversation, banter, was usually Dorian's method of coping, both for himself as well as an attempt to distract Elden from his pain and draw him out of his mind, stop his own thoughts from eat him alive. Not now, though. Dorian knew him better than anyone, knew when silence was what he needed, so he just focused on maneuvering them through the crowds towards the stables, wishing he could properly take Elden home, but settling for the inn for now.

"Hey, you guys again," came a voice behind them as they reached the exit to the grounds, and Dorian felt Elden shudder against him.

Something in Dorian snapped. He wasn't even really thinking as he pulled away from Elden, feeling fingers grasp desperately at his robes but he was out of reach too quickly. His expression must have been blank because Matheus continued to speak cheerily as Dorian advanced on him.

"Here I thought you'd be long gone by n-"

Dorian punched him so hard, he knocked Matheus to the ground. He sat there, stunned and confused, staring up at him. Dorian didn't stop to see how he would respond once he'd recovered. Instead, he turned away and returned to Elden, wrapping his arm around him again and hurrying them away, trying to ignore the throb in his knuckles. Elden looked startled, but didn't say anything, just held too tightly onto Dorian like he was afraid he might slip away. They retrieved their horse and this time Elden sat behind, clinging tightly to Dorian with his face pressed into his back. They didn't speak the entire way back to the inn.

* * *

Once they had returned, Elden barely took the time to pull his boots and shirt off before curling in on himself on the bed. Dorian followed and wrapped himself around him, stroking his back and running his fingers through his hair, placing gentle kisses on his forehead and wishing this was a tangible thing, something he could punch like Elden's brother. It had been a selfish thing to do, a way to relieve some of his own helplessness at the situation, but hopefully it provided some manner of satisfaction for Elden, seeing someone who had caused him so much pain laid out in the dirt like that. He doubted it, though. This was Elden after all.

"I can't do this anymore," Elden said eventually, sounding so broken it tore at Dorian's heart. "It's all just too much, I can't-"

His voice was barely a whisper as if he wasn't sure he wanted to say it aloud. Dorian understood what he meant. The Inquisition, their greatest triumph, had been twisted into, to Elden, his greatest failure. Despite all the good Elden had done as Inquisitor, as Herald, he felt all that good had been undone. Between Solas' and the Qunari spies, so many more lives had nearly been lost through the manipulation of their Inquisition. And how many times had they inadvertently assisted Solas in his quest to destroy the world? If only Dorian could reassure him, convince Elden of all of the wonderful things he had accomplished that Solas couldn't rob him of, that his awful family couldn't take away.

"I thought I'd gotten better after my time at the chantry, but it feels like I'm back at the beginning and it all meant nothing."

Dorian couldn't help but trail his fingers along a scar on Elden's side, pale against his light brown skin. He had so many from years fighting, and these were just the ones Dorian could see. Not just his past, but this war had left so many marks on him, the nightmares haunting him were testament to that, but no poultice could treat these wounds. They hadn't been given time enough to heal and now, being here, was ripping open old wounds, smothering him and making them all so much worse. Years before, or perhaps even years later, Elden might have been fine facing his past, but right now it was all just too much. But that didn't make him weak hear and now. He was good and kind and strong and hurting wouldn't take that away.

"You're not back at the beginning. You just need time to heal. You've done this before, you can do it again," Dorian said, stroking his back in a way he hoped was comforting. He would do anything and everything for Elden if only he knew what. "You're so strong. Besides, this time you have me."

Elden gave a weak chuckle, but it was trembling at the edges. They stayed like that for a long time, Dorian holding him as closely as he could and Elden simply clinging to him. Dorian couldn't help but wonder when this terrible place would release it's hold on Elden. He didn't deserve any of this. Dorian would at the very least make sure nothing like what he experienced here would ever happen to him again.

"I owe you an apology," Elden said, breaking the silence.

"No," Dorian said automatically. He didn't care what this was about, Elden shouldn't have to apologize to anyone, least of all him.

"I just- I never meant to hide all this from you. I guess I thought I'd have more time to tell you everything, but I've wasted so much time already. I'm so sorry."

"I know, I understand, shush," Dorian said, kissing him again. "A lot has been going on in our lives after all. We've been kind of occupied saving the world. Several times."

"I just want you to know, you can ask me anything. I want you to know everything about me." Elden spoke so earnestly Dorian couldn't help but smile at him.

"It occurs to me I haven't exactly shared much of my own past with you either," Dorian said, stroking Elden's cheek fondly. "Tell you what, later we can exchange stories. But right now you should rest."

"No, there's- there's one story I should really share with you."

"Oh?"

"Matheus," Elden began with a heavy sigh and Dorian didn't even realize at first that he was holding his own breath apprehensively for whatever he was going to say next. "He was the one who broke my nose. He got carried away one day and just left me bleeding out back."

"Amatus," Dorian whispered as he felt him trembling again. Maker, but he wished he'd done more than simply punch that awful man. He deserved so much more pain for everything he had done.

"No doubt he expected me to go to mother for a healer," Elden continued, taking a deep breath to steady himself, holding onto Dorian more tightly as well. "I was so angry, though. When Dez found me, we just left for the training camp where I let it heal on it's own, crooked. I think it was the first time I really stood against my parents, as small and pathetic a gesture as it was. But I I've always been kind of proud of it, to be honest. A reminder that I was strong enough to do something, no matter how little."

"So you should be," Dorian said, kissing his forehead, wishing he could shoulder some of that pain, wishing they had known each other back then so he could have done- something, anything.

"When mother found out she was furious. She tried to have it fixed, but the healer never could get it completely straight."

"Fixed. Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Rebreaking it?"

"Maker, Elden, I'm so sorry," Dorian said, pressing Elden closer to him. It was a long moment before Elden spoke again.

"I'm terrified. Matheus could get so angry. I never want to be like that."

"I promise you," Dorian said, running his fingers through Elden's hair, holding the back of his neck. "You never have to worry about that. The very idea of you being anything like him is absurd."

"I know what it's like, seeing someone lose control of their temper and being afraid of what they might do with it. I never could fight back against my brother, a part of me thought I must deserve it. That was what my mother believed, at least. But I've been on the receiving end of that fury and I never want anyone to fear it from me. I remember when I came home one day and Matheus realized I'd gotten taller than him over the summer. Well, bigger too I guess. He looked afraid, probably thought I would want to get revenge. He left me alone after that, but I never forgot that look. I never want anyone to look at me like that again, even him."

Dorian could recall times when Elden, even just slightly irritable, would bury it immediately. And he seemed to go out of his way to appear as non-threatening as possible to offset his impressive height and strength. It said more than Dorian could ever truly put into words that this was what Elden took away from this experience.

"Everyone can see how kind you are," Dorian said. "Just looking at you, no one is afraid. I love you and you will get through this. I love you."

"Love you," Elden mumbled in response and Dorian guessed he must be either unconvinced or simply uninterested in continuing the conversation.

"Come with me back to Tevinter," Dorian said suddenly.

"What?" Elden said, surprised.

Dorian had said on many occasions that it was too dangerous. True, Elden had visited him a few times regardless, but more often than not Dorian came to Kirkwall instead. Still, Dorian was unwilling to leave him alone, to travel all the way to Kirkwall only to drop him off and head back to Tevinter.

"I'll have Maevaris set something up, make sure the place is well guarded. Let's get out of here and I'll show you all the luxuries Tevinter has to offer."

"You say that every time I visit," Elden said, unable to suppress a quiet chuckle.

"That's because there's still plenty to see. I'll only have a few days of my vacation left, but you can stay on as long as you wish. You've been having to set me up every time I come to visit, I think it's time I thoroughly spoiled you. What do you say?

"Sure," Elden said, eyes closed but the ghost of a smile was there on his lips. "That sounds nice."


	10. Chapter 10

It was unusual for Dorian to wake first. Sleeping too much was often a good indication that Elden was doing poorly, which was understandable given the events of the day before, so Dorian held him close, combing his fingers through his hair. There was no real need to rush things this morning so he just watched Elden's even breathing as he enjoyed the cool breeze from the open window blowing in the smell of the salty ocean. Normally it would be much too cold for him, but Dorian always felt warm enough when pressed against Elden like this

Eventually, Elden stirred and opened his eyes. He looked so exhausted and worn out, but he still smiled in greeting which made Dorian feel infinitely lighter. He leaned in to kiss his forehead, brushing hair out of his face. Elden pressed in against Dorian's chest and they simply held each other for a long moment, Dorian returning to running his fingers through his hair. He wished he could communicate how proud he was of Elden. He had come here, confronted so much pain, and he'd made it through. He held so much respect for Elden and it made his heart ache to think he might not believe it.

"You came here, did everything you'd set out to do," Dorian began, breaking the silence. "What say we leave this garbage heap behind and never look back?"

Elden smiled reluctantly and nodded, but didn't look up at him.

"Hey," Dorian said, stroking the side of his face until he finally looked up and met his eyes. "You're done with them, you don't owe any of them so much as a second thought. You shouldn't have to dwell on any of this."

"Thank you," Elden said, reaching out and taking Dorian's hand. "For being here."

"Right, because I had some other pressing engagement I'd rather attend to," Dorian scoffed.

And, once again, he was reflexively falling back on humor. He wasn't sure what else to do. Elden had suffered abuse and manipulation at the hands of his own family for so many years and all Dorian wanted to do was put as much distance between them as possible. Or blow them up. Either would do.

"I suppose we should get going," Elden said as he slowly sat up and Dorian desperately missed feeling him warm against him.

"This is what you want, isn't it?" Dorian asked quickly as he sat up as well. "The Magisterium can do without me. If there's something else you need, tell me and we'll go, however long you wish."

Elden smiled, putting his hand over Dorian's where it rested on the bed. "I don't really know what I need," he admitted. "It still hurts and I don't know what to do with any of it. But I think getting out of here is a good start. And I would like to be with you, so I want to go to Tevinter."

"I can tell that you're leaving out something about inconveniencing me," Dorian said, fixing him with a look. "I won't be having any of that."

"You came down to visit me and all you've done is watch me fall apart," Elden said, looking away again.

"You have to know that isn't true," Dorian said, leaning forward and pulling Elden into a hug. "You've been there for me through the good and the bad, but I'm suddenly not allowed to do the same for you?"

"I just want it to stop, I'm so tired of falling apart," Elden said, hugging him back too tightly.

"I'm afraid we both may again in the future, but we'll muddle through somehow, we always do. Besides, I'm here because I want to be, remember?" Dorian said, pulling back so he could see his face. "I'm here for you if you need me, I'm not going anywhere."

"I always need you."

"Right," Dorian scoffed. "I'm fairly certain you of all people need no one. Still, I enjoy being at your side so I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

Elden leaned his forehead against Dorian's as he brought his one hand up to ghost over his cheek "You're overestimating me. I just can't help but feel pathetic. Whenever I think I'm getting better, I get even worse. I don't know if I'll ever be whole again."

"Sadly that seems to be the way of things," Dorian said. "One moment we think we're fine, the next we're attempting to drink ourselves into oblivion. Well, that's how it was for me anyway. This doesn't make you weak and it certainly doesn't make you pathetic. Just give yourself time."

"It's hard to believe that right now, but thank you for constantly reminding me, I'm sure that's getting old. I love you," Elden said with a quiet sigh. "I love you and I don't know how I could ever thank you."

Dorian brought his finger to Elden's lips. "I love you too, but I'm offended that you'd think I need thanking. Now come on," he said, lowering his hand so he could kiss him. "Every moment we spend here is another I have to resist burning the wretched city to the ground so let's get moving before my resolve slips."

This time Elden chuckled. Dorian placed another quick kiss to his lips as they rose and began packing up their belongings.

* * *

Luckily, going to Tevinter meant they could skip the boat entirely which Dorian was infinitely grateful for. Carriage seemed like a pleasant enough alternative for now so as soon as they found one willing to take them north, they began loading their luggage. Elden was subdued, but at least he was standing somewhat taller. He mostly just looked worn out. They were almost ready to go when they heard a woman's voice call out to them and Dorian couldn't help his groan of annoyance.

"I'm so glad I managed to catch you before you left," Lady Trevelyan said, a little out of breath as she approached Dorian. Elden was still back at the carriage, loading up the last of their luggage, but she didn't even glance at him which had Dorian's blood boiling. "Lord Pavus, it was so lovely to have you here. I do hope you will consider visiting again. I'd love to continue our discussion on trade, perhaps work out something mutually beneficial-"

"No," Elden interrupted, coming to stand beside Dorian. He looked ridged, anger outweighing fear. "You've met him once and you're already trying to use Dorian. I'm not with him to because of his status and I certainly won't allow you take advantage of him. That's all you ever do, though, isn't it? Weigh each individual's worth based on how much they can give you. Don't you dare act like you're doing him a favor, like you care about either of us. You won't be using him, and you won't be using me ever again."

"Don't speak to your mother that way," Lady Trevelyan said, sounding remarkably cool, but Elden was already walking away. Once Elden had disappeared into the carriage, she turned to Dorian expectantly, as if he might actually have a different answer.

"You are a conniving, treacherous leech and, simply based on how you've treated your son since our arrival, do you actually believe I would want anything to do with you, professionally or otherwise? You are lucky I don't ruin you completely. Rest assured, if I hear you are speaking to anyone about expanding your empire to Tevinter, I will do just that. Same goes if you try to reach out to either of us again or our acquaintances. Elden's parents or no, I will make sure you have nothing left to your name."

She looked surprisingly calm, a master at hiding her thoughts, but Dorian didn't particularly care to stick around to see how she might react, so he spun on his heels and returned to the carriage, hopping in and tapping on the side to signal the driver that they were ready to go.

Elden was leaning forward, elbows on his knees, and he rubbed at his face with a shaky laugh. Dorian moved to sit beside him, rubbing a hand soothingly across his back. He knew how hard it could be to stand up to a parent, the frustration and disappointment and the empty despair knowing that was a bridge that could never truly be repaired. And seeing how little Lady Trevelyan seemed to care had to hurt a great deal.

"How do you feel?" Dorian asked.

"I don't know. I'm not even sure that really helped. All I ever wanted was for my parents to say I'd done well," Elden said, leaning into him. "Or that they cared for me. I don't think either will ever be true though. Even if they approved of one part of me, they'd still want me to cut away the rest. I wish I didn't care."

"That does seem to be an unfortunate effect family has," Dorian said, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and hugging him tightly. Elden turned into him, burying his face in his neck and Dorian was glad to note that he seemed calmer now. He wasn't shaking, just sagging against him with no energy left, his right hand coming up to grasp a handful of Dorian's robe .

"What did she say after I left?" Elden asked, a slight hesitancy in his voice.

"I didn't exactly wait for her to speak," Dorian said. "I may have threatened to ruin her if she spoke to either of us again. Or if she tried to expand to Tevinter"

Elden couldn't help a quiet chuckle at that. "That's going to drive her mad," he said. "Especially knowing she's missing out on all the money she could have gotten out of you."

"Nonsense, I like to think I'm much more difficult to manipulate than that," he said, mock offended before he continued more seriously. "Still, I'm sorry your homecoming turned out this way. My offer to start setting fire to things as we go still stands."

Elden chuckled a little, taking Dorian's hand and squeezing it gently. "This wasn't a homecoming. This place was never my home," Elden said, pulling away so he could look up, meet Dorian's eyes and raise his hand to cup his cheek. "You are."

"And you are a great sap," Dorian said, unable to stop himself from laughing.

He pulled Elden close so he could kiss him properly, wrapping his arms securely around him. They would get through this, supporting each other as they always did. Elden was so much stronger than he knew, stronger than anyone Dorian had ever met and he would continue to heal and grow. And Dorian would be there every step of the way to remind him what a success he was, with all of his miraculous feats, and Elden would be there for him as well, reminding him everything a single person could achieve, inspiring Dorian to always strive for better, to shape the world into a kinder, better place. No matter how difficult or painful life could become, they would be there for each other, supporting each other, loving each other. They were enough as they were and they could get through together.

End


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